I don't need more time. I need more determination.

A great man (Wong Chongwai) once told me that another great man had once told him:

"A busy man has more time."

What it really means is that at the end of the day, how much time you had in your life is determined by how much you have done.

I agreed whole-heartedly with him at that time, as it was near exam time then. Any exam-takers are busy men, and would have accomplished much in their academic lives. In fact, I was still keeping up with my fitness and my social life at that time, which made me even more "accomplished".


Having gone through the exams and starting a new school year anew, I realised that that statement has a deeper meaning. Being forced to be busy by circumstances is different from choosing to be busy. Other than the coursework deadlines, I am free to choose what I do with my time now. With the constant nag by all my course mates that it is time we ramp up our engines, I had slowly phased out most non-academic activities. Despite pushing everything aside to do work (call me a geek but it is my final year after all), even the work compartment is in disarray. Instead of getting more work done with the extra amount of time, I had lapsed into the mistake of working more slowly to fill up the time. More time to study just means more time to procrastinate. I don't feel like I had done much in the past few weeks.


Thinking back, it all boils down to courage. I don't have the courage to stop pushing away things coming my way. They may take up time, but it probably wouldn't decrease the amount of work done, as long as I stop day dreaming of Brad Pitt while learning gene regulation. Instead of letting my work determine how much time I should spend working, I should let the amount of time I have left to motivate me into proper studying. It isn't easy, with images of me failing due to lack of studying running through my mind endlessly. However, it is time for me to stop shelving away the images of me on my deathbed, with constant regrets of not having explored life more.

It is a sad sign of a diseased society, for our mark of success to be determined by our material accomplishments. Yet, it is also my sign of weakness, to let the fear of failure to stop me from embarking on a more fulfilling life. Time to ramp up partying...