The answer is, I don't know and won't know until we get married. And even then, I still may not know. In fact, I doubt even the oldest love guru can answer this question, be it my relationship or that of any normal couple.
It is indeed hard to justify that what TE and I have is considered "love", for me myself doubt the long distance relationship of others too. I guess the notion of having no intimacy (not just the um-humm kind of intimacy but the company too, u one-track mind pervert) and not seeing each other for months indicate little more than good friends trying to keep in touch with each other. However, when it comes to my own relationship, I have no qualms telling people that we are very much in love. It is not that I use the word loosely, for I used to think that such a thing doesn't exist. All I can say is, this relationship changed my mind about marriage and love.
If there is anything difficult about being in LDR, it is the separation. Not the time when we are apart but the action of separating. Knowing what lies ahead in the next 4-6 months, yet at the same time holding his hand for one last time, savouring every last moments of it, the feeling is utmost dread. The first time I had it was in Jan 2007, leaving him for the 2nd time. The first time, when we first separated, things weren't as bad, as we naively thought that LDR would be hard. But having gone through the first 3 months told us that LDR is HARD. I cried for the first time in years at the airport. What separated us when I walked through the custom gates were more than just glass panes; they indicated the 200000000 miles + 8h diff + $1000000 phone bills between us. That feeling of dread was so awful that I learned to dread the dread. Even before I left for Singapore in London, I was thinking how short 3months of summer in Singapore was. And in nov, before he came over in dec last yr, I was practically hoping that time would slow down, so that I would not have to face him leaving me so soon. And at the moment, I am hoping I would get TB so that I can't return to London and remain pretty at the same time. In fact, one of the reason why I was inspired to write this post was because I was struck with a sudden panic of losing him when we were in the cab. I didn't want him to get off, but of course, he had to eventually. We would see each other tomorrow, but it didn't matter. I wanted him then.
Perhaps it would be clear by now, that I truly treasure my relationship with TE. LDR teaches us never to take things for granted, that I agree. But perhaps what would be surprising is that I cherish our relationship more when we are together than when we are apart. By convention, people tends to think of what they miss when the thing is gone. But in my case, having him by my side reminds me what I would be missing if I give him up. When I am in London, it is easier to take him for granted, for he ain't there to start with. (side note: Just to pacify TE, the previous sentence is not to be taken as a cue for any potential suitors. My email is I.am.available@hotmail.com) Distance doesn't necessary make the heart fonder.
We have made a commitment to each other which married couples 10yrs older would hesitate making. We have a made a commitment to each other which people our age mock at. We have made a commitment to each other which people our parents' generation deem as naive. It is only up to us to show that it is a commitment that we made to each other.
Thank you, Tian'en for being part of my life.
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